Insiders report that Dario Vitale, the newly appointed creative director of Versace, is considering legally changing his last name to “Versace” in a bizarre effort to maintain the brand’s historic identity.
Capri Holdings Pushes Name Change Amid Prada Group Deal
According to insiders, financial analysts warned Capri Holdings that the value of the namesake fashion house would decline if it was no longer led by someone bearing the Versace name, which has been an integral part of the brand’s storytelling and luxury appeal for decades. With Capri Holdings reportedly in the final stages of selling Versace to Prada Group, ensuring the brand retains its perceived value has become a top priority as the deal nears completion. An emergency meeting was reportedly held with a high-profile branding consultant, who presented a simple yet wildly unhinged solution: just make him a Versace.
“Customers expect a ‘Versace’ to be behind Versace,” said one anonymous executive. “We simply can’t afford to lose that emotional connection.”
Rebranding Plan: From Dario Vitale to Dario Versace
As part of the rumored plan, Dario Vitale would legally become Dario Versace—a seamless transition that, in the words of the consultant, would ensure “brand continuity, narrative integrity, and the illusion of an unbroken lineage.” More importantly, sources close to the matter claim that the name change would allow Capri Holdings to keep printing ‘Designed by Versace’ on all marketing materials without running into any legal issues.
Donatella’s Thoughts on Vitale Becoming a Versace
Adding another layer to the chaos, some insiders claim this bizarre arrangement was actually written into Donatella Versace’s exit contract. When asked about the situation, Donatella reportedly isn’t opposed to the idea—just wondering if this means Dario has to start coming to family gatherings, birthday parties, and Sunday dinners.
Dario Vitale’s Decision-Making Process Amid Name Change Proposal
Vitale himself is said to be still weighing the decision, though the board is making every effort to persuade him. One insider claims executives have assured him that his “DV” monogrammed silk pajamas, cufflinks, and towels would remain fully relevant post-transition. Maintaining his original initials, they argue, would allow him to embrace his new identity while avoiding the logistical nightmare of re-monogramming his personal belongings.
Official Response from Versace on the Name Change Speculation
Capri Holdings has yet to comment on the speculation. When reached for a statement, a Versace spokesperson replied, “No thanks.”
#Satire
Leave a Reply